Wednesday, June 13, 2007

You Can Always Adopt

You Can Always Adopt

These words trigger me greatly. First of all, when I express sadness in my inability to ever bear children, maybe I just want to express myself; maybe I am not looking for your opinion. Yes, I know that I can always adopt. This is something that I am aware of; but maybe I don’t want to adopt. Has that ever occurred to you? Why do you believe that every woman must raise children? Do you know how many people believe that my inability to bear children somehow makes me less of a woman? Do you know that I have felt this myself? I have struggled with this issue for nearly a year and it doesn’t get easier for me. Do you realize that every time you mention it; it feels like you’re pushing in the knife a little bit further? When will you come to the conclusion that the knife is in far enough?

Maybe I don’t want to be like you and raise children who are not mine. Maybe I don’t want to take part in the destruction of a family to fulfill my own needs. Maybe I am putting ahead my best effort to accept the fact that raising children is not a part of my future. If I accept that; can’t you? Are you able to love me and accept the fact that you may never be a grandmother? Are you able to love me for who I am and not for what I can do for you
All of my life I have tiptoed around you in fear of setting you off. I have made certain decisions in life with the sole purpose of pleasing you. From this moment forward, I will no longer worry about how my decisions hurt you. I am confident in the choices I make and none of them go without prior thought. If I make a mistake, I will live with that and change it. I will continue to trudge my road in my sandals, confident in my steps. I don’t need you following behind me warning me of every stone and dip ahead. At 25 years old, I am fully capable of stubbing my toe and getting back on track, all by myself. I am a big girl now. I am all grown up and capable of continuing my direction and coming out in one piece.

You say that how I live my life is a reflection of you – but that is untrue. How I live my life is a reflection of me and only me. You can choose to be a part of my life and how you choose to do that is what reflects you.


Anonymous said...

It can be difficult for an adoptive parent to watch their children go through pain, no matter what age they are. Im positive that your mother wants the best for you. Its also a hard reality for them to accept that they may never be grandparents. Im sure in time adoption may seem a better option for you.

Nicole said...

Well thanks for dismissing my entire post. If you think it is a hard reality for my parents to accept, can you imagine how difficult it is for me? Honestly it should not faze them whatsoever, considering it is MY life. How odd that you would think that time may change my mind; what about changing the views that society holds regarding women and children; those who have them and those who don't?

suz said...

sorry anon dismissed you. i completely understand your point and commend you for it. you are wonderful, amazing, awesome etc. Children dont make you that.