Sunday, May 27, 2007

A New Day

I feel much more energized this morning and I refuse to let these feelings of sadness interupt what I have here. I am visiting my natural family! I almost feel the need to pinch myself. Is this truly happening to me? It's amazing, totally amazing.

I have 4 siblings - they are 21, 14, 12 and 10 years old. I won't meet my 21 year old brother until tonight because he's coming in from Oregon. He lives in Oregon with his best friend and he is in his 3rd year of college. I suspect we will have a lot in common. My 3 youngest siblings are all still children, and, anybody who knows me, knows the intense love I have for children. I always marvel at how simple and open they are. Children will love anybody who is kind to them. Last night I had some girl time with my 10 year old sister. She's so funny and silly, and I believe I know all of her "BFF" by name. My 14 year old brother is at that age where it is much harder to get into his world, maybe in time I will earn that. My 12 year old brother was very welcoming and warmed up as soon as I let him teach me some of his video games. :-)

My mom's husband is also very welcoming and I enjoyed watching my mom interact with him. I think they have a very peaceful and loving relationship, which is very different between the dynamics of my adoptive mom and dad. In my adoptive family, my parents are constantly on guard with one another and ready to argue at any given moment when the smallest thing goes wrong. I've never believed that they love each other, I think they became used to one another and stayed together for the sake of the kids, which in my mind, is completely the wrong thing to do. Kids know when unhappiness lingers, probably more so than adults do.

I am missing Cameron (I guess it's love) but we are emailing and talking on the phone. He's genuinely happy for me and supportive of this road I am traveling. I haven't sat down and talked to my first mom about the cancer yet, but I will. In time....

For now, I need to go grab a shower (my port will come out next week, along with more labs to monitor where my numbers are at) and get ready for the day. I'm anxious to meet my oldest sibling and make the reunion a complete circle.


Rachel said...

I knew you would connect with the kids. I am sure they love their big always I am praying your numbers remain *****low**********

Cameron said...

I am missing you like crazy